Santa's Secret

by The Daley Grimes

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lyrics

When I was 4 or 5
One day in December
We went to see Old Saint Nick
I'll always remember
The kids all started crying
as they sat on Santa's lap
The parents just took pictures
They didn't realize that

Santa had a boner
And it scarred me for life
It's why I don't like Christmas
It's why I don't like Christmas
It's why I don't like fruitcake
and lit up lawns
Holiday Sweaters and Christmas songs
I hate ornaments and having to shop
Mistletoe and yankee swaps
I hate Christmas
Cuz Santa had a boner
and it scarred me for life
I still have intimacy issues
Cuz Santa had a boner

His helpers picked me up
and I started with my tears
Santa was really old
It must have been his first boner in years
Momma had to grab the security guard
Cuz old Kris Kringle's crothch was rock hard
I didn't even get to give him my list
Once you saw the picture it was obvious

He had a boner
And it scarred me for life
It's why I don't like Christmas
It's why I don't like Christmas
It's why I don't like fruitcake
and lit up lawns
Holiday Sweaters and Christmas songs
I hate ornaments and having to shop
Mistletoe and yankee swaps
I hate Christmas
Cuz Santa had a boner
and it scarred me for life
I still have intimacy issues
Cuz Santa had a boner

credits

released November 28, 2014
Music and Lyrics by Jared Daley and James Grimes.
Additional percussion by Alex Miller.

Recorded, mixed and mastered by Alex Miller at The Dojo.

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The Daley Grimes Boston, Massachusetts

Acoustic Comedy Dudes.

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